Week 25 – Finding Success After Failure

 So far we’ve spoken about The Keys to Success and also True Success and what that means. This entire month we will continue to define and redefine what success actually is and the best ways to addressing our circumstances and situations so we are best prepared to first, understand true success and secondly, create a space for ourselves which guarantees the most positive outcomes. This week we want to discuss Finding Success After Failure.

We have all had anticipations and expectations in life. Just as we have all been disappointed when those things did not happen the way we wanted or expected them to happen. Often times we’ve been disappointed when something did not happen exactly when we expected them to and we have given up on the thing happening at all. Other times we’ve tried to “fix” it or “force” it to MAKE it happen. We’ve been “successful” in that process sometimes. And other times we “failed” in that process. The authentic truth is, there is no such thing as failure in the first place. The only failure that we feel is the failure we project upon ourselves. We are simply governed by the choices we make and are judged by the “laws of expectation” we place on ourselves. Failure is a simple illusion. And success is a marker to how we desire to feel.

When we consider success and failure, who determines the meaning of those two things in our individual lives? Is the man who works at McDonalds versus the woman who works at IBM any more or less successful? Is the woman working at IBM considered a failure because she’s divorcing her husband? And is the man working at McDonalds considered a success because he’s been married for 50 years? Am I successful because I earned a Masters of Business Administration Degree? Or am I a failure because I did not earn a Doctorate Degree? Or is the person who never attended college in the first place a failure? Each individual carries his or her own scale to weigh out success and failure. Think about how you feel when you have identified some process, point in time, material thing obtained or reached some pinnacle point of achievement. You felt exuberant, elated, joyful, complete. And you labeled it a SUCCESS. You were not chasing a thing. You were actually chasing a feeling. You wanted to feel accomplished. You wanted to feel joyful. You wanted to feel complete. And after you achieved your goal, you called it…success. And in that sense, “success” is fleeting. Therefore, you create a new goal, a new objective, a new pinnacle point to achieve because the feeling you are chasing in this context is planted in shallow ground. The roots are loose and fragile instead of strong and grounded. Success is not in the “thing.” Success is a feeling. When we find success in the small things about ourselves from within, we begin to generate a feeling of accomplishment, joy, tranquility and contentment that is perpetually sustained. Readily available at all times. And from this space, confidence is born. Confidence not only in one’s self but confidence in manifested desire. Confidence in humanity. Confidence in expected outcomes. Confidence that all things are possible.

Failure is a simple illusion we create and call real. Since every person’s success is created and measured individually…the same holds true for failure. To be clear, if ten people are running a race and nine of them don’t win, they lost the race and there was one winner. But it does not make the nine people who did not win, failures. They simply lost that race. How often do we beat up on ourselves when something did not go as planned? How often do we find fault, place blame and point the finger? Failure insinuates finality. When people speak about failure, it’s as if there is no coming back from it. “It failed.” But in true reality…there is no failure. Just choices. When we make choices that don’t line up or support our goals, then things seem to “break.” We don’t hit our goals. We are not successful in that space. But in true reality, the only thing that needs to actually happen next is to make a new choice. Failure is not finality unless we give it that power. No other person on the planet has the power to determine an individual’s success or failure. That power is the sole responsibility of the individual. So when considering “failure” in life, the first thing to understand is that failure or any concept of failure is self-imposed. As an example, no matter what side of the fence you’re on, Donald Trump holds no accountability or onus to the concept of failure. No matter if what he said has been factually disproven, he does not accept it as loss or failure. This, of course, is an extreme example. But the point is, the weight of failure is determined by the amount of energy we levy to support it. It is the illusion we create in our world. Failure is not real.

If you have been faced with the tug-o-war between success and failure, understand that both are labels we have created that compartmentalize feeling and emotion. There is certainly nothing wrong with setting goals and objectives and attaining them. Many times, setting goals and objectives provide a road map to where we want to go. And it certainly feels wonderful when we achieve what we set out to do. The point is, do not be emotionally defined by what you have built regarding your expectations of success and failure. Be defined by what you desire to feel in the first place. If you set a goal to be happy and joyful all day tomorrow and you achieve that, then celebrate it. Find your successes from within. The way you will experience the achievement of those successes from within will be long and sustaining. Defining success with things from the outside are short-lived and fleeting. In addition they carry the burden of that illusion called failure. Whatever choices you’ve made, are simply that…choices. If the outcome was not what you wanted, expected or anticipated…don’t consider yourself a failure. Simply make another choice.

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