Week 21 – What’s Love Got To Do With It?

No one can deny the power of Tina Turner’s “What’s Love Got To Do With It” song from the 1980’s.  Tina goes on to say, “what’s love but a sweet old-fashioned notion?”  But the reality is, Love has everything to do with it.  Love has everything to do with all things.  And it’s not just about romantic love.  It’s about agape love.  Loving unconditionally.  Loving without judgment or prejudice.  It’s about loving in spite of the circumstance.  Love is where we come from.  But often times we put stipulations on our love that we rely on to give us direction on whether or not we should love or if someone deserves the love we have to share.  Sometimes, these are the scales we tend to “weigh” our significant others on as well.  “Oh, I will love you if you do ‘this’ but I won’t love you if you do ‘that’ is how we tend to behave.

In 1971, an R&B group called “The Persuaders” had a hit song entitled “Thin Line Between Love and Hate. ” I’m sure many of us can relate to the emotion and perceived reality of the song.  But how is it that the line can be so thin?  How is it that people spend thousands of dollars for elaborate ceremonies in the name of love and shortly thereafter fight to the death in a court of law admonishing hatred for the one they vowed to love forever?  What happened to the butterflies in the stomach, the fireworks in the sky and the long late night talks?  How is it that all of those feelings are traded for distain, hatred and indifference?  And who is in ‘control’ of all of this emotion?  It was scary, yet exhilarating to be “out of control” when the feelings of passion, adoration and love flowed so rich and intensely.  But people become so matter-of-fact and assured when those feelings turn sour.  As if the feelings of love never existed in the first place.  How is it that we can be so entirely juxtaposed in our emotion?  Perhaps we’re all a little schizophrenic.  Maybe.  But I believe there’s a much better understanding that should be realized.

Do you remember your first time falling in love?  Can you recall all of the openness and freedom you felt?  All of the passion and feelings of ‘everything is perfect with the world?’  You knew that as long as that person was around you felt safe…confident.  As long as you and that person were together, you could conquer the world.  There was nothing that the two of you could not handle or do, as long as you were together.  Feelings of happiness and joy were a part of your everyday outlook.  And later things changed.  “He doesn’t look at me the same anymore.”  Or “she gets so upset about the smallest things.”  Or “yeah…I love him…I’m just not IN love with him.”  Or “I hate it when she does xyz!”  The person you are with has not changed fundamentally.  Yet, how is it that we didn’t see these things that we are so critical of before?  Where were these traits and characteristics when we were planning our wedding?  How did I not see this person for “who they really are?”  Where did “the love” stop and “the hatred” start?

The issues, the problems, the anger you feel, the frustrations….ALL reside within yourself.  Not the other person.  The fact is, true fulfillment comes from within.  NOT from without.  So in other words, happiness flows from the inside out and not from the outside in.  Often times, we look to the other person to ‘provide’ our happiness to which we are often disappointed in what they deliver.  We are unhappy because the other person failed to ‘make’ us happy.  We are looking for solutions to our problems in another person whereas all the solutions we seek are within ourselves.  The absolute beauty of this is the fact that at any given time, we have the ability to align our desires from within and expect the result we create.  The only thing we control in this world is how we feel.  And at any given time, we have the ability to feel whatever we choose to feel, absent of an

yone else.

The ‘Love/Hate’ scenario plays out for specific reasons.  It comes down to something we’ve spoken about before….allowance and resistance.  When we express our desires and allow them to flow, things come naturally and in the created time that will best fit your life.  When we resist or attempt to control our outcomes or control other people, our experiences go against our desires.  Resistance, judgment, ego….all facilitate inner turmoil that is manifested in argument, disappointment and debate.  Think about being head over heels in love with your significant other.  Usually there is an emotional sincerity that exhibits very little judgment.  You are wide open to any and all possibilities with this other person.  The heightened state of allowance provides a vehicle for your emotional bliss.  You experience love in it’s purest form.

As you continue in your relationship, we all come to expect certain things.  We weigh the other person on our emotional scale and when they don’t line up with our expectation of keeping us happy in a particular area, we hand down the verdict…”you are WRONG! YOU are not making ME happy!”  All the while, the ego you seemingly let go back when you were ‘in love’ has come back with a vengeance and will not be denied a seat at the table.  Your ego is what tells you that you have to prove your point.  You have to ‘win’ the argument.  You MUST come out on top in the situation.  We hold onto these egotistic feelings of judgment against the other for not helping us be satisfied with ourselves.  The authentic reality will tell you that it doesn’t matter who is “right or wrong” in the situation.  The authentic feeling you desire is love.  Period.  Simply, assess, allow, and love.  In other words, when you’re doubting the love you know is alive in your relationship or the other person is not responding or acting the way you’ve deemed as plausible, simply ask yourself ‘does he/she love me based on the overall things and actions they have demonstrated?’  If yes, then what are you really upset about?  Secondly, allow that person to be whomever they are.  Because fundamentally, THAT is the person you CHOSE to be with at an earlier stage in your relationship.  So simply ALLOW them to be who they are.  It is much tougher to change someone into being who you WANT them to be.  And lastly, do all of this in the spirit of unconditional LOVE.  Love is the overarching emotion that drives us all.  Allowing love in all scenarios, and especially for yourself will drive and direct all other emotions.

When in love, you allow.  When you allow you become more in tune with yourself in alignment.  When you become more in tune with yourself, you increase your awareness (consciousness).   When you increase your awareness, you tap into an abundance of bliss.  In a state of true awareness and bliss, all desires are realized, including the emotions of love of yourself which translates into agape love for the one you’re with.  So when Tina Turner asks, “What’s Love Got to Do with It,” you can answer….’love has EVERYTHING’ to do with it.

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